Commentary: Want more babies? Help couples build stronger marriages first
SINGAPORE: Why practise women struggle to find a residual between the economic pull to establish her career and the biological desire to raise a family unit?
In Singapore, domestic help is accessible and relatively affordable. More fathers are taking up positions every bit carers and homemakers.
Grandparents also contribute to the "village" that a couple needs to enhance a domicile while building a career. And more workplaces are adopting family-friendly policies.
However among all these support measures, our women are nevertheless choosing to have fewer babies. Singapore'south resident total fertility charge per unit (TFR) was 1.16 births per female in 2017, down from ane.20 in 2016.
MORE PRO-FAMILY POLICIES AT WORK
Women are not only having fewer babies, they are as well having babies later in life. What's more, the college their educational qualifications, the later on the age of spousal relationship and parenthood.
Information technology is ironic, merely the highly skilled workers that we focused on developing in the past are now finding it difficult to choose between careers and family.
Considering how much nosotros've invested in our education, it's understandable for men every bit well as women to pursue career goals commencement, and leave marriage and parenthood until after.
Can our workplaces exist more supportive towards a workforce who wants to raise babies at the same time?
I also experienced having to dial dorsum on my career. After my 2nd child came forth, I scaled down to part-time work. When my third child arrived, I stopped work altogether for a season, just to focus on the children's needs.
Luckily for me withal, freelance opportunities came along, and I managed to carve a reasonable balance between work and family unit.
Many women who step out of waged work to intendance for their family unit report facing tremendous challenges trying to discover their way back years later.
While the odds better if they accept kept abreast of industry changes, more can be washed to protect their interests.
If more flexi-work options are availed to women and their spouses, assuasive them more freedom to decide when to work and when to play, it will help to tip the scales in favour of parenthood.
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ESCALATING PRESSURES OF PARENTHOOD
The unfortunate truth is, children are no longer seen as a source of joy. Instead, it is a source of stress, and is overshadowed by a dazzling array of lifestyle options.
A newly-wed couple could determine to accept fourth dimension off and travel the world, or build lucrative careers around Instagram or YouTube as celebrity influencers.
Having a babe, sleepless nights and all, can cramp both freedom and style.
Singaporeans are pragmatics at middle.
The economical cost of child rearing is existent – from diapers and milk powder during the baby stages, to childcare fees during the preschool phase, to tuition and higher fees in the later on years.
The pressures of education are also suffocating. Considering of the push to give our immature the all-time ingredients for success, many couples concord dorsum from parenthood or having multiples, knowing the costs involved in tuition and enrichment lessons tin can stand in the thousands.
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This may lead some to question: What's the betoken of having kids when we have to push button them to study so hard? Where is the joy?
Modernistic-24-hour interval parenthood tin can be a stressful affair as society piles all manner of expectations on the states.
"What? You haven't registered your newborn in such-and-such kindergarten yet?"
"Why haven't you enrolled her in any tuition/music/sports form?"
"Why don't y'all purchase your kids a handphone?" Or, "Why did y'all give them a handphone at such an early age?"
Our decisions for our children are scrutinised and questioned at every turn, often by well-meaning passers-by and family members. Anybody has advice to dish out, whether or non they take kids themselves.
Some parents as well ready loftier expectations on themselves, and in plow, their offspring.
Is parenting perfectionism getting in the fashion of simple, dorsum-to-basics parenting, and thus parenthood itself?
WHAT'S YOUR Idea OF BLISS?
Childbearing is a tough and circuitous conclusion, one that reaches into the very core of who nosotros are and what information technology means to live well.
Someone'south idea of bliss is just he and a spouse, a prissy condo and a domestic dog; while some other may include a spouse and iii kids in a pocket-size HDB.
It is difficult to convince someone whose ideal picture does not include kids, to have kids.
On the other hand, there are couples who are crazy for kids, and would do all they can to have more than.
Then there are also others who are "cautiously optimistic" – open up to having one or two.
How do nosotros get more people to motion into this band, hop on the kiddy bandwagon and to take the plunge earlier rather than later?
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STABILISE MARRIAGES Early
Parenting is a 20- to 30-year commitment at the minimum; a long-hold investment with no guaranteed returns – well, none except oodles of joy, hope and wonder.
We have invested so much into building our people's skills for the future economy. How about future-proofing our nation by equipping couples to build loving marriages commencement?
Just getting two persons to ally is no guarantee of a stable and generally conflict-costless abode.
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If you're decorated fighting fires every day, your energies are driven towards repair and resolution, rather than procreation. This is not to say that all childless couples are dysfunctional; it is still a private decision with other factors such as age and health at play.
But when a couple enjoys a good for you relationship (and sexual practice life), and feel they are able to cope with the demands of nurturing a newborn, they may be in a prime position to procreate.
Given that there aren't many love and wedlock online forums, where can couples turn to for communication on affairs of the heart?
Possibly more than matrimony training classes and relationship workshops can be offered to couples to equip them with advice and disharmonize resolution skills. Through these, they tin can learn how to chronicle better, cope with stress and conflict, and even lower divorce rates in the long run.
To sweeten the deal, nosotros could incentivise young married couples by throwing in a "baby-making" or couple therapy retreat at a steal.
Appreciating PARENTHOOD
Writer Elizabeth Stone once penned these words: "Making the decision to accept a child – it'south momentous. It is to decide forever to take your center go walking outside your trunk."
Childbearing is a momentous decision, 1 that needs a good measure of faith but likewise practical skills.
So for the "cautiously optimistic", nosotros need to offer compelling reasons not to hold back.
Improving work-life residue tin can help alleviate some of the stresses that they face in raising their families.
Equipping them with skills tin can enhance their sense of marital bliss and help them see the joys and meaning of parenthood.
This goes beyond dishing out monetary bonuses to helping couples go better partners for life, empowering them to build strong marriages and futures.
Hopefully, they will also begin to appreciate the positive aspects of parenthood, and come across information technology equally something worthy to be embraced.
Thriving families – made up of loving parents – are our children's best hedge for a successful life, and our nation's best bet for its long-term survival.
June Yong is a female parent of three, an educational therapist and owner of Mama Wear Papa Shirt, a web log that discusses parenting and education in Singapore.
Source: https://cnalifestyle.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/commentary-want-more-babies-help-couples-build-stronger-marriages-first-293696
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